Why me, un?
by childofglass
Summary: Oh, they've done it now! The Akatsuki HQ is in ruins. Deidara and Tobi are exhiled until they can pay to fix it. And Deidara's getting a job!


**Why am I writing so many Naruto fics? I don't know...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Why? Because Kishimoto got to it before me! If it were mine, Sasori would be alive, Zetsu would be loved even more, Sakura would die in a ditch, and Kimimaro(Sp?) and Neji would be doing DDR all the live long day...**

**To the story! -Twitch-**

**----------#**

In the Akatsuki, there are many well known facts and precautions. For example: You never eat shark around Kisame; you never try to talk one-on-one to Zetsu(Too much of a headache for him); you don't touch Kakuzu's money; you don't piss off Itachi; you DON'T ask blue-hair about her face, and you **DO NOT** touch Leader's aspirin! (Hidan found this out the hard way.)

However, Tobi is oblivious to facts, precautions, and anything well-known.

"Zetsu-san, why is the sky blue?"

"We don't know Tobi..." Zetsu sighed and rubbed his temples. Tobi had been bugging him for the past half an hour, mainly with pointless questions(i.e. "Zetsu-san, why is an orange called an orange?"). Don't get me wrong, Zetsu liked the kid, but there was no denying it—Tobi was annoying as hell. Well, on the bright side, Zetsu felt very intelligent now.

"Tobi, we think we heard Deidara calling you. He should be in his room..."

"Really? Bye Zetsu-san!" Tobi ran away down the hall, a long trail of hearts and flowers appearing behind him.

"**You do know Blondie is going to be after us later, right?"**

"Yes."

"**If he tries to blow us up, can we eat him?"**

"No."

"**Shit."**

----------#

A bead of sweat rolled down Deidara's face. Just one more little piece to put in and his sculpture would be completed! True, he could have made this new piece using his extra mouths, but that was no fun! Silence. Intense focus. Almost...

"SEMPAI-OH MY GOD!" Tobi ran out the door, screaming something about his "virgin eyes."

Itachi stared after him as Kisame shook his head.

"Kisame, why wasn't that door locked?" The shark man gave him a classic "Why-the-hell-are-you-asking-me?" look.

"I don't know..."

"We're still not done. Pay up."

Kisame grumbled and slapped the money down on the table. This was the last time he played poker with Itachi!

----------#

Meanwhile...

_Boom! _Deidara's lovely new bird was in pieces...and our everyone's Akatsuki wannabe was running for his life.

"TOBI! GET YOUR FUCKING ASS BACK HERE, YOU HEATHEN PIECE OF SHIT!" Deidara suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, his brain going over what he'd just said.

"I've got to stop talking to Hidan, un."

----------#

Somewhere in the earth country, Hidan sneezed.

----------#

"But Sempai, Zetsu-san said you wanted to see me! Don't you like me?"

The blonde man had to stop himself from falling over. There would SO be a lump of clay in Zetsu's next meal...

"What do you think, un?!"

"You don't act like it, but your life is much more pleasant when I'm around, right?" Deidara's eye twitched.

"Let me respond to that with the following, un." He held up his palms to Tobi's face..mask...mask-face as the hand mouths opened wide.

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This scene has been declared too violent for younger viewers and may disturb our older ones. Instead, I'm going to show this picture of a happy little bunny eating grass. Look how happy he is. Hey, there's Mr. Fox. Maybe he wants to make friends? Aw, now they're playing chase! Looks like Mr. Fox won. Now he's putting his paws on the bunny and—HOLY CARP! Is THAT what a rabbit's spleen looks like? Poor bunny! Hold it: There's an army! Of angry bunnies! Run Mr. Fox, run! He's cornered. It looks like it's all over for Mr. Fox. What's this? Mr. Fox has a walkie-talkie! He's calling reinforcements! There's lots of foxes now! Is that Kyuubi? Shouldn't he be sealed inside of Nar—OH MY GOD THEY'VE GOT GRENADES! EXPLOSIONS EVERYWHERE! IT'S WAR OUT HERE! IT'S—we now return to our regularly scheduled programing.

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Deidara's room was in ruins. Well, it was actually closer to the entire eastern half of the Akatsuki base, but let's give him the benefit of the doubt, shall we?

The clay user was panting, his hands still held out in front of him. Charred remains of furniture were the only signs that this area was ever semi-livable. Everywhere else was covered in smoke and globs of clay. Tobi slowly peeked out from behind the ruins of the bed.

"Done yet?"

"Un."

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!?" Kisame shrieked, pulling himself from a pile of rubble. Another flash of blue (complete with pretty white flower) appeared next to him, wide eyed.

"Oh my...you guys are screwed. And not in the good way." Deidara turned on heel and faced her.

"We-"

"Will pay for this." Everyone jumped. Damn Leader and his mysteriousness!

'_Time to beg for mercy, un_.' Deidara thought.

"I can explain..."

"Both of you, come with me. Now." Leader's eyes were blazing. Picking their way through the mess, the partners slowly trudged after the shadow. Deidara whispered under his breath.

"I blame Hidan, un."

----------#

Hidan sneezed again.

"Damn it Kakuzu! I told you we should have stayed at that inn, but nooooooo! You just had to hold onto your fucking money and make us sleep outside! Now thanks to you, I've got a fucking cold!" Kakuzu snorted.

"Get over it."

----------#

**Wow...I had so much fun writing this! **

**Deidara: Why do you always torture me, un?**

**You and Hidan. You guys are just so much fun to pick on!**

**Hidan: -Draws circle-**

**-Looks down- When did I cut my arm? Hidan, why do you look like...oh shit. LEADER, CONTROL YOUR MINION!**

**R&R and the foxes and bunnies shall stop fighting. Plus, I might live too. That would be wonderful... **


End file.
